السبت، 27 أكتوبر 2018

my friend, D





ok.. so.. there it goes.. this is his life now, this is how it has become.. how it's gonna be..

sometimes you get through a life event that changes everything.. a true milestone of your life.. a turning point by all meaning.. it's the kind of experience that afterwards life is never the same.. ever

a life event that stays still on top of all bad events you might have faced or face in your coming life, for nothing ever could be worse.. nothing can beat it.. it's devastating that no other situation can make you hurt or feel pain..

the thing is.. it is.. really excruciating.. in every detail.. in every single detail,,
it's a story written in pain, hurt, tears and grief,,
the details are a killer.. they are
the whole thing is a killer
not just an ordinary, casual or even a serial killer,,
it's the worst of its kind, a sick twisted psychopathic merciless cold-blooded murderer who is enjoying what he's doing.. and oh he is capable of doing much..

I've been through one of those most shocking-to-the-core situations.. and it's having its toll on me,, life afterwards is not the same.. i myself, after is not the same..

yeah.. the whole thing is a killer.. and the details.. oh the details.. they are a killer
----------------------------------

i wish to introduce my new friend,, well, not quite so far i gained a new friend, he wasn't my choice.. or maybe he was idk
he just showed up and apparently got stuck in my path, or maybe I'm the one following his path idk
let's call him D

so, D isn't a good friend, he's a nightmare actually, i don't like him.. he's not fond of me as well, but we're somehow attached to each other
he keeps following me wherever i go, always by my side like.. always.. never leaves
he's always there.. never too far.. never even not close
it's like he's haunting me.. could he. be a ghost? a spirit and a human being? a living one i mean? idk.. perhaps idk
i’ve always had the best typoe of friends, but not this one.. this one is unlike them all.. he is the worst companion anyone could have.. he is vile, cruel, evil.. he is evil
i just do know that he's causing me pain.. is he? no i don't think so.. he just comes with the pain.. yeah.. that makes more sense, I'm all pain-maxed-up already.. no place for more

so, that D, i don't talk to him, but he talks to me, i don't tell him stuff, but he seems to know all about me, i don't push him to do anything, good or bad.. but he is driving me insanely crazy towards self-damage
i hate you D
just can't get rid of you
it's not that easy,, there's a cost for everything after all.. and i do know you'll refuse to go.. you’r not going to leave.. i know


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